On Sunday morning, three students were admitted to the local hospital for alcohol poisoning.
Press Martin, junior in engineering and Rob Smith, sophomore in business, were released Monday morning. Al Amelak, freshman majoring in liberal arts, is in critical condition, according to a university representative.
The initial investigation indicates they were at the ABZ fraternity house. The fraternity and its activities have been suspended indefinitely, according to a statement given by the university.
Two weeks prior to the incident, university President Bart Addison, released a statement banning alcohol from fraternity houses. Those found with alcohol, he said will be suspended. A second offense within a year will result in a five year banning of the fraternity.
Bart Addison, Interfraternity Council president, stated “…I do not believe that the entire fraternity should be held responsible for the actions of a few. I am going to ask President Smithville to reconsider his suspension of the ABZs.”
With the recent deaths of a student at LSU and one at MIT due to alcohol poisoning, this comes at a time when concern for drinking at college parties is high.
The university is considering increasing its police patrols of fraternity houses on the weekends.
1. Pretty good lead, but you could do a little more with it — either noting that one is still in critical condition, or noting that the incident highlights the issue of drinking at frat parties.
2. Careful about attribution — I don’t think the students’ condition at hospital comes from the university.
3. This is very well organized in general but you are having some trouble with commas — re-read that section and go through your work sentence by sentence to see where you are making mistakes.
1. There’s two paragraphs in a row where you use Bart Addison… in the first one it says he’s university president and the second it says he’s the interfraternity council president. I think the university president is someone else.
2. I also agree that maybe you could include something about fraternities in the lead since most of the article seems to have to do with them.
3. “With the recent deaths of a student at LSU and one at MIT due to alcohol poisoning, this comes at a time when concern for drinking at college parties is high.” I feel like this paragraph should be a little higher up in the article.
Overall I think you did a really good job!